"You Suck"

Sometimes before I write, I think about my thoughts and see a shining light at the end. My story starts with despair, add some tragedy or a really sad story but at the end there is always some hope. Some type of light that I can cling on.

But this story has none of that. Its painful because I see no immediate help to how I can change and become what I profess to others that I am already so good at, which is.... a good son and brother.

Now this is not something out of ordinary for most human beings.

The only reason I bring this up is because I came home tonight as I usually do around 10:30 pm and went to my mom's house. She lives only 3 apartment doors away and said hello. I then proceeded to my sisters room and with my folder I started tickling her feet. She laughed and I felt good inside cause I felt I had done my brotherly duties when she said the words, "You suck." I was astonished and again she said, "You suck, you don't ever want to talk to me, you just come here and get stuff and leave."

I felt as if Mike Tyson knocked me to the floor and then bit my ear off. I quickly rushed to my defense and said, "Well just email me and then I can get a time for us to talk." She replied, "So now I have to be scheduled to talk to you. You suck."

And thats when it hit me. I do suck. I suck as a brother. I suck as a son. The two people that I should show my care for most, I don't.

How do I balance this out? I'm a 23 year old male who speaks a word of Korean with a 51 year old mom that speaks a few words of English and a 19 year old sister who speaks no language I understand.

I see no hope for me. How do I start communicating my feelings and thoughts of how wonderful and amazing my family is when I don't know how to communicate with them.

So lost I am...