Shy

This event that reminded me of my 5 year old self... Please enjoy!

During the past week I was fortunate enough to attend a 3 day faith based youth event at the Anaheim Convention center. Up to 3,000 young people attended this event to learn about the injustices that are occuring in our world today. While I was talking with some people or fooling around, I can't remember, my boss came up to me and asked me if I could waive one of the flags that we had brought when the founder of our no-prof went up to speak. Without even thinking I said sure why not. I went along my day and eventually it came to the main night session.

This is when I realized how massive the crowd was. To tell you the truth, 3,000 people doesn't seem like a lot of people when they are all scattered and attending different workshops, but when they all concentrate into one area, it was like a mighty army of ants all waiting for the next order. So I started getting shy. My heartbeat started rapidly speeding up and my palms were getting sweaty. I knew that soon, when there was no music, no other distractions that I would have to stand up and start waiving this massive flag in the arena while the founder spoke. Finally the time came and I broke down. I couldn't do it. I meekly raised the flag and hoped that no one saw. My friends who were next to me cried out "Dan, hurry up and raise the flag!" My girlfriend who was sitting on the other side of me said sternly, "Dan, what are you doing?!" I didn't know. So I did the only thing that I thought was reasonable, I sat down and put my head down. The rest of the story is that my girlfriend bravely took the flag out of my sweaty palms and started waiving it for me.

As I sat down and realized what was happening I came to realize that this was because of my past. I became the shy 5 year old again. When I was 5 my mom used to order me around and tell me to do crazy things in public. It ranged from standing in line at the supermarket while she got last second things and the cashier looking at me to tell me that I had to pay while knowing that there were people behind me who were irratated that this 5 year old didn't have enough cash to pay for the groceries. I would just shut down.

Isn't it crazy how our past comes and haunts us at the worst times. Mine came in front of 3,000 people.

Thats all I have to write about right now. Cause I'm starting to get anxiety again!